In your marriage, did you ever feel like you and your spouse were leading two separate lives? I certainly did. He had his friends; I had mine. I went to church on Sundays; he did not. While I was cultivating a spiritual practice, he was promoting self-indulgent behavior. (Skip to my podcast to hear the details of my story)

I was leading a “life of incongruence.”

You may be asking yourself what exactly does that mean? A “life of incongruence” is living off-kilter. It’s when what you believe and what you do are in conflict. A “life of incongruence” has no bounds and most of us at some point, find ourselves facing the inevitable transition. That’s what happens; a guaranteed shift will occur to turn us right-side up, whether you like it or not.

We, humans, do not like change so we RESIST. This idea of resistance immediately makes me think of my dog TJ Slim when it’s bath time. Somehow TJ knows the difference when I pull the leash out for a “bath” versus a “walk.” When it’s bath time, he digs his heels in, resisting with all his might from the inevitable “scrubbing” that’s about to go down. After the dreaded bath occurs, TJ scampers around the yard shaking his tail feather and expressing the epitome of true delight. It’s over, and he feels like a new dog.

How does this relate to divorce? When I look back at my marital breakdown, I can assure you, I wanted no part of it. Like TJ, I resisted with all my might, pulling away from the unavoidable breakup, and then I got the unpleasant “scrub down.” At first, I could not see the blessing in the brutality of divorce, but now I feel shiny and new. Because NOW my actions and my beliefs are congruent. And like TJ, I have been guilty of shaking a tail feather or two, because the feeling of balance translates to utter happiness.

Go ahead, listen to my podcast where I share the details of my story. Hear what happened when I lived a life of incongruence and the shakeup that followed. It’s less than ten minutes and it’s FREE. I hope to bring you encouragement today, no matter where you are in the walk from married to divorced.

My name is India Kern, and I’m a divorce recovery coach. I guide you through the transition from married to “happily” divorced. I know it’s possible because I did it myself. You can create a life that you love after the devastation of divorce, and coaching is the catalyst that accelerates the change.

You have a choice, to either get “bitter” or get “better.” Are you ready to get “better?”